Thursday, January 19, 2012
I'm currently reading Mindy Kaling's book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? and I love it. It's cute, fun, laugh out loud when you're alone (and, ahem, in public) reading material. I may even love it just a smiggin' more than Tina Fey's Bossypants although it was also very good. Chelsea Handler's Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea is equally funny (just in a different more --- disturbing way), so I feel more comfortable recommending Mindy's, and out of the three of these funny ladies I find Mindy the most relatable.
I'm still reading but I just finished a chapter that contains a piece called "Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities" and I know that every girl who reads the book thinks, "Ohmaga! That's so me and [insert name of best friend here]!" Here are some of them:
I MUST BE 100% HONEST ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK, BUT GENTLE
Your boyfriend is never going to tell you that your skirt is too tight and riding up too high on you. In fact, you shouldn’t have even asked him, poor guy. He wants to have sex with you no matter how pudgy you are. I am the only person besides your mom who has the right (and responsibility) of telling you that. I should never be overly harsh when something doesn’t look good on you, because I know you are fragile about this and so am I. I will employ the gentle, vague expression, “I’m not crazy about that on you,” which should mean to you: “Holy shit, take that off, that looks terrible.” I owe it to you to give feedback like a cattle prod: painful but quick.
I CAN DITCH YOU, WITHIN REASON
I can ditch you to hang out with a guy, but only if that possibility has been discussed and getting-ride-home practicalities have been worked out prior to the event. In return, I need to talk about you a lot with that guy so he knows how much I love you.
I WILL NURSE YOU BACK TO HEALTH
If you are crippled with pain because of a UTI, I need to haul ass to CVS to get you some medicine, fast. I should also try to pick up a fashion magazine and candy that you like, because distracting you from your pain is part of nursing you back to health as well.
I WILL TRY TO LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND FIVE TIMES
This is a fair number of times to hang out with your boyfriend and withhold judgment.
WHEN I TAKE A SHOWER AT YOUR PLACE, I WON’T DROP THE TOWEL ON THE FLOOR
Your home isn’t a hotel. I forget sometimes because you make it so comfortable for me.
IF YOU’RE DEPRESSED, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU
As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends. I will be there for you during your horrible breakup, and you can tell me a hundred times the same sad stories about how you thought he was going to be the one. I will be there for you to tell your long revenge fantasies to, and also to Facebook stalk whoever you want. I know I will hate it and find you really tedious, but I promise I won’t abandon you.
I WILL HATE AND RE-LIKE PEOPLE FOR YOU
But don’t get mad if I can’t keep track. Robby? Don’t we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay. Sorry.
IT IS OKAY TO TAKE ME FOR GRANTED
I know when you fall in love with someone you will completely forget about me. That hurts my feelings, but it is okay. Please try to remember to text me, if you can, if you know I have something going on in my life, like a work promotion or something.
NO TWO PEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN US
We f**** rock. No one can beat us.
The whole book is a clever, funny, easy read that will definitely put a smile on your face. Go view it here or on her website and if you are like, "and...who is Mindy Kaling?" you don't really need to know to find the book hilarious but please go here....and maybe go watch a few episodes of The Office on Netflix. Please.